How and Why to Build a Network

One of the top pieces of career advice you will hear repeatedly is "Build your network". Which is great advice like "Learn How to Influence" and "Earn More Money" and "Buy Low and Sell High". In other words, great generic advice without any real value. I'm going to try to lay out my thinking and process on this, hoping that maybe it resonates with a few other people.

Preamble

On the face of it, trying to "build a network" can seem to be pretty darn slimey. It sounds like you are trying to talk to people and get to know them, just so that you can try to help your career/goals/aspirations along. For some people, that is probably true, and we call those people sociopaths. But if you're not doing that, then why are you trying to build a network?

Why

You want to build a network because having more connections allows you to achieve better results. In my mind, even more importantly, having a bigger network allows you to make other people more successful. This seems counterintuitive. Why would you want to make other people more successful? Long term, this is the way that you will achieve the greatest success. If you're doing it because you want success, I just don't think you can fake it long enough. However, if you do it because you really want (select) other people to succeed, then it's a flywheel that is very easy to get started.

This is because you really want to do is develop relationships. Finding people that you work well with and interact with is really rare. You are more likely to 'gel' with people who are similar to you, and branching out forces you to grow and get to know people that are outside of your comfort zone. The more you are outside your comfort zone, the more you have an opportunity to grow and be successful.

How

Getting to know people is hard

Especially for introverts. It takes an incredible amount of emotional energy to engage with people. Humans are messy, awesome, illogical, fun, emotional, uplifting, train wrecks. That roller-coaster is hard to ride, so do it in short bursts if you want, but you have to redeem the E ticket at some point if you want to succeed.

How to overcome the "Party problem"

For me personally, and I suspect a lot of people, the single biggest hurdle to building a network is the 'party problem'. Imagine that you're at a college party that a friend took you too. There are 40 people there, and you know one of them. How do you get to know more people? Just going up and talking to people is emotionally hard. Intro lines of "What's your name?" or "Who do you know?" or "You look as awkward as I feel." all are tough. I believe it's hard because of the implicit fear of rejection. Not that someone is going to say "Go away" but that it will be so awkward that they don't want to talk to you ever again. It's especially true when there are groups of people standing around talking together and you're trying to engage.

The solution is simple: Fabricate a reason to have the first meeting. This is specifically useful inside of a company, but it can also work outside as well, it's just easier in a company. Here is how it works:

• If there is someone you want to get to know better, find a business situation that you both interact on. In general, in any company there is some project that they have an adjacency. Use that situation as the excuse to setup a meeting (no more than 30 minutes!) This helps break down the "Party Problem" because you have a reason to be meeting.
• Importantly, you shouldn't be asking them for something out of this meeting. Your goal here isn't to accomplish a specific task (e.g. They agree to do X for a project) but instead it's to try to get to know them better. You'll have that few minutes of social time at the beginning of the meeting where you can understand them better, and they can get to know you a little better.
• A good thing I've used these meetings for is to get someone's viewpoint on a meeting or a project from their perspective.
• Make sure you really care about their perspective, if not, it will show through.
• At the end of this meeting, you now have a relationship that makes it easier to talk in the future. It may even be that you've discovered things you didn't know about yourself or your project. Both of you now are more likely to answer each other's emails, say "Hi" in the hall and maybe even buy each other beers.